...enamorarse de mi..

The breeze offered a warm and comforting caress. The air was fresh with the smell of the morning rain and it was beautiful. The mist was illusive and the shape of the hills seduced onlookers to stare and be captivated. The sunrise coloured the dull grey sky that had begun to lighten and it was quiet. So silent. So still. It was beautiful. Serene. I often waited and wished this would last forever but my alarm clock would crack the atmosphere with its shrill cry and reality would crashe in through the cracks until I was wide awake to face it.

Some dreams were so sweet we never want to wake.

My eyes darted around the room and the first thing in sight was my big black burlap sack. It was ugly, it was heavy and I have to carry it around everywhere I go. I closed my eyes to snatch another minute of my sweet dreams. And I dreamt of Him. I dreamt of the man who would offer to carry my sack, and with strong arms pick it up and carry it all the way. The man with whom I will dance in the sunrise, and wait for the sunset. The man with whom I will walk up mountains hand in hand and when my feet hurt, the man who will carry me. The man whose strong arms are tender enough to wipe my tears and gentle enough to hold my heart. The man whose words can heal a thousand wounds. The man whose smile can light a million moons. The man whose eyes can melt my stone cold heart. The man whose tears could water a garden of roses. The man who will take my hand and walk me home.

I still dream of him you know? I just never met him. I sighed as I opened my eyes.

I dragged my big black burlap sack around and looked hopefully in the eyes of men who walked about. The more hours I awake the less I remember His face the less I remember how it felt like in those dreams with Him, the more I looked, the more I grabbed. The more I grabbed the bigger my sack, for some of them left me a little weight from their own bags. I dragged the sack, and it got heavier as the week passed by.

Hard work. And then Friday came by.

I entered the room. The sound of music mixed with chatter and laughter and heels on the wooden floors dancing to the rhythm. Swaying was irresistible, even while sitting. Heads bobbing, feet tapping, hips swaying, all sorts of body movements filled the room. It was vibrant. Big black burlap sacks were hardly in sight. They were left outside, to be picked up later. Later when the night was over, when the last laughter has died down, and when the last body has left. I picked up a bottle of beer and lit a cigarette before I sucked in the foul fumes long and deep. No one said it was good for me, but at least it was comforting, it brought some relief. I walked over to the bunch of people who were most familiar to me, and was greeted with such enthusiasm although only a few would recognise me if they bumped into me on the streets. She smiled at me knowingly, I shrugged, we both thought the same things. Who cared about superficiality now? At this moment we all danced the same dance, moved to the same music, and we had all things in common. The night drew on, and I danced the dance, I wished with all my heart it would never end. The hustlers, the ones who stayed until the end, the ones who knew how to have a good time, we danced until the last song is done. And the night was done. I snuffed out the cigarette in my hand and smiled as we turned to walk out the door.

I knew it would never last. The moment we walked out the door together our bag of realities sat waiting to be picked up. Loneliness sat deep, deep inside the depth of every huge heavy bag. We all took a deep deep breath, got ourselves ready and braced ourselves before we picked up the weight again.

I watched her and bowed my head in shame. She was so unwilling to pick up her baggage. So she fell asleep inside and hoped that when woke she would find the baggage gone. I would pick it up if I could, but it would weigh me down more. Mine was heavy enough. I opened it up to see if I could lighten the load. But there was nothing in there I could take away nothing I could carry for her.

I did not know whether to wake her from her dreams, especially if they were sweet as mine. Some dreams were so sweet we never want to wake. I still dream of Him you know?

I went back in to wake her up. She looked at me knowingly. Its okay I know you cannot carry it for me. I shrugged and wondered if I would ever have baggage light enough I could carry hers. I opened my bag and was plagued with many burdens. So plagued was I that I forgot I was still sitting beside her. I bowed my head and whispered to her in shame. I am sorry, I have too much to carry, my back was aching in fact it was breaking from the weight of the big black burlap sack. She put her hand softly on mine and heeded me to go on, it's okay she said I know that my burden, I have to carry on my own. I sighed. She closed her eyes to snatch a bit more of her sweet dream before she walked out into the dark night.

Some dreams were so sweet we never want to wake.

I dragged my bag into the night, and left her alone sitting now my bag is heavier. I had packaged the guilt I bore for leaving her behind. The guilt was wrapped with self-condemnation; you are so selfish and unsacrificial. I sighed, and put it in my bag, its weight now twice heavier.

I trudged and plodded all the way home, my shoulders sore. I finally lay the bag down by my bed and went to sleep hoping I will not wake up tired, or be plagued with nightmares, for tomorrow I have got to get up, and carry that bag to work again. Again. And again. And again.

Hard work. And then it is Friday again. Time to put on my dancing shoes and sway the night away. I can't wait to leave the baggage at the door of that vibrant happy place. I let my hair down and pick up some cigarettes along the way, leave my baggage outside, walk in and there we go again. The laughter and greetings, the hugs the kisses, the chatter. She walks up to me and gives me a hug and smiles knowingly as every Tom, Dick and Harry pretend to care for me. I roll my eyes and raise my brows and raise my wine glass to theirs.

Once again I dance and dance with all my might. Hoping hard that the night won't end. Once again we hustle. And then it ends and today I am too tired to pick up my baggage. Tom, Dick or Harry they just left me on the couch all wasted. None of them interested in picking up my baggage. I close my eyes and go to sleep and hope when I walk out, someone would have picked up my bag, and carried my baggage for me.

Some dreams are so sweet I long to dream it again and again. Some dreams are so sweet we never want to wake.

I open my eyes to see her smiling down. Let us go she whispers. I walk out with her and pick up my black heavy burlap sack. She slings a red little handbag over her shoulders.What happened to your bag, I ask. Follow me and you will see. You will see.

I drag my feet up those steps pulling that blasted sack. We walk through the lush green garden. It was fresh. I breathe in deep as we walk pass the rose bushes, and the peonies, the lush green bushes and trees, the sweet smelling fruit trees, the delicate flowers, more plants than my botanically challenged knowledge would ever learn of. She push open the palace doors. I gasp as my eyes see the grandeur of the place. Father, Father are you there? She meekly cries out. A voice gently replies come on in. She rushes in towards the throne and leaves me standing, in awe.

And then I see Him as He saunters in. His gentle eyes caught mine, and holds my gaze. I still dream of Him you know?

I still dream of Him but I never thought He is real. He smiles and raises His hat politely to me as my heart skips a thousand beats. She turns and runs towards Him. She grabs his arm and drags Him towards me. This is my brother she introduces with such brightness and gaiety. He holds His hand out and gently reaches out to shake mine. I am going in to sit with the Father, she says.

And she leaves me standing with Him. And I search the depth of those soft eyes to see what I can find.

I still dream of Him you know?

You can leave your bag by the door He says as He turns to walk away. I drop my bag and follow Him. He shows me around the palace, there are many empty rooms. He shows me the gardens that she and I had briskly walk through. We walk pass the lakes, the streams and stop at the waterfalls. We chat and laugh and open doors. He leads me to the dining room, and sit to dine with I. The music begins, that rich deep sound surrounds us and He extends His hand, I’ve seen that you like to dance. His gentle voice so inviting, I take His hand and stand up to join Him. We move in step and sway as one to the rhythm and to the music. I hope and pray that this would never end.

I look in His eyes, and my heart of stone melts. My tears streamed down and His strong hands tenderly wipes them away. I gracefully and confidently dance securely in His arms and pray and pray and hope like crazy that it would never end.

He stops and I realise the music had stopped. He allows the silence to surround us as I linger in His arms. You want this forever He asked?

His gentle hands take mine and He leads me to the balcony. A million stars shone bright as if they shone just for me. He smiles. You want to dance with me forever?

Can I?

If you marry me.

I’ve seen Him before in my dreams. In fact more than once. He was the knight on the white horse that had saved me from tall towers. He was the prince charming who found my lost shoe. I’ve dreamt of Him before. He smiled at me. I dreamt once I was lost in the desert and He came on the back of a mule and offered me a drink. He then carried me on the back of His mule out of the desert, home. He looked at me. He fought swiftly and won many a battles for me. The man in my dreams. He was only the man in my dreams.

But I do not know you. I whisper quietly. He replies firmly. But you dream many dreams of me.

You do not know me. I protest meekly. Oh yes I do, I knew you even before you were born. He assures me.

Silence. In the silence I hear His voice. So clear, so firm, so gentle, so kind. Come beloved. Come away with me. I had heard Him say once in my dreams. In that dream He lifted me up with one swift move to rescue me from the quicksand beneath me and we rode away on horseback into the sunset.

Just a fairytale, just a dream. I whisper under my breath. I am real, beloved. I am true and I stand here right before you.

I look at Him and His face so warm and so kind. He smiles and extends His hand, Come here and be mine. Come be mine my beloved, forever.

Why? I ask, a little puzzled and a little surprised. Because I love you, with a love everlasting. The sure voice replies.

But I do not know if I can love you. I say sadly with a sigh. You will learn. You will learn.

Really, will I?

I open my eyes and realise that she had been nudging me. I look at her and shrug. I want to close my eyes but she stops me.

Some dreams are so sweet we never want to wake.

My heart sinks as I heavily walk out the door. I look around for my big black burlap sack and found and turn to see her sling her red handbag over her shoulder.

I raise my eyebrows.

A slight tinge of hope at the corner of my heart.

But my heart sinks again as soon as I see my big black burlap sack. I reach down weakly to pick it up.

A gentle tap on my shoulder. The slight tinge of hope spreads a little and I turn around.

There He is standing with a little green handbag in His hand. I look at Him questioningly.

This one matches your dress.

I sigh and turn to pick up the blasted sack as His warm hands stop me. I will carry the rest, He whispers.

The man who would offer to carry my big black burlap sack.

I turn and take the little green handbag and sling it over my shoulders.

He extends His hand, let us go home, He whispers tenderly in my ears.

The man who would walk with me hand in hand, home.

A smile breaks across my face as I look at His hand and hope and pray hard that this will never end.

He turned to kiss my cheek, everlasting He whispers and winks as I take His hand.

Everlasting.

We begin to walk, hand in hand, home.